Plateau

There is a constant need to write.  All of the time.  But the struggle is having the words to piece together something moderately worth reading.  I hoping this will be worth reading.  Here we go.

There is a timeline of events, some of which I am proud of, some I am not.  There's the obvious, birth followed by childhood; learning that the world spins and the seasons change and there is good, and there is bad.  School then high school, that really bad time we don't talk about, high school, university. Today, and the memories in between the commas.

 Everything has been about trial and error, fight or flight, yes or no, and I found myself far too many times ditching the basics and complicating  every decision I was left to make.  I confided in others when the right person to confide in was myself, I thought of others heavily when I should have thought of myself and I chose selflessness when I shouldn't have. I am not bitter, I am just honest.

Six weeks ago I phoned my father, the man who has supported me, who has accepted me, who has always been the best father he could ever be.  I called him at 11 o'clock at night, I needed to make a decision I had been contemplating for months. We spoke for almost an hour, although he did most of the talking while I was crying.

Three weeks ago I made up my mind. I made a choice for myself and for the first time in my life, I did this thinking of myself only.  This has been the best decision I have made in a long time.

As most writers do, I'd like to think of my life as a novel; I'd like to be able to look back and say yes. Yes that is something worth writing about. Yes that is something to be proud of. And yes I am happy to have this out on view for the world to see.  A compelling story isn't about all the things that went right, a compelling story is the sum of plateaus and pinnacles and the build up. This novel has been on plateau for too long.

Here's the bit you'd want to read.  Three weeks ago I booked a one way flight departing on the 15th of April to arrive in London where I will be nesting my new home.  I will say goodbye to Australia, to the golden beaches and the red soil and the thousand and something animals that can kill you.  I will say goodbye to the land that offered my family home in 2002, I will say goodbye to the life long friends I have laughed with, cried with, grown up with.  I will say goodbye with an appreciation to Australia in its entirety which I have struggled to find for 13 years.

There comes a time in life where you just have to do something for yourself and move on, I hope you all see it when it's there.

Always,
e.m