LHR to BFS
Spontaneity is booking your ticket to move overseas in six weeks, spontaneity is getting on a train without knowing where to get off, spontaneity is booking a flight at 11am on Sunday to yet again another country for Monday 7am. Less than 12 hours, I'm getting good at this thing, but now when I’m in one place for too long I feel claustrophobic. Not like the type when you're stuck in a small room with lots of people, but the fear of settling. The fear of sleeping too long each day, or not sleeping enough for no good reason; the fear of having stability. Ridiculous isn't it, how I could now have an overwhelming anxiety for something I wanted most of my life growing up.
When I booked my flight to England I didn't know what my plan was going to be, when I got on that plane I didn't know what my plan was going to be, a month later I still don't know what my plan is to be. I swear if “overwhelmed” were a personality type that would be me all over. There are so many things I want to be and do and plan for my life but everything around moves so god damn fast that even I can't keep up with my own ambitions and get into this whirlwind with everything else going on spinning around me.
Growing up my favourite film was The Wizard of Oz, mostly for juvenile reasons, but as I grew older and studied the film in analytical form, I realised that it wasn't just the Lion that I liked and it wasn't just the flying monkeys I was scared of. I couldn’t recognise, when I was four, seven, or ten years old, that everything in Oz was all but a dream, I never understood the underlying meaning of the twister or why the Lion, the Tinman, the Scarecrow where such protagonists. It wasn't until I grew older that I realised, life has some pretty big twisters spinning around and it’s so easy to be picked up, thrown around and dumped somewhere that isn't Kansas. The difference is, Dorothy managed to find her way home, but I'm still trying to make my home. One twister at a time.
Photos are from Dublin and around my Grandma's house.
Always, em.
