Twenty

I remember thinking to my fragile self that fourteen was a good age. In my maturity I believed a decade and almost a half was a middle ground between child and adolescent; the perfect balance of dependence and independence, the timely opportunity to trial the bounds of trust and learn how things worked on my own. Six years later parts of me still wish to be at that naive age, but come two weeks to an age that has caused me much anxiety. I look back through my childhood and adolescence and all of the lessons I have learnt thus far, have made me the woman I am today. Two weeks from twenty, living out my dreams in a city I love, countries away from home, and learning more and more about life and love every day. 

Trials and tribulations have always been a big part of my life and though my childhood was inconsistent, spent travelling between states, countries and homes, I see now that this has made my story so much more intriguing. Along the way I acquired valuable lessons learned on my own and now dearly held. Here are some of them. Always, em.

This is temporary. 

When I was at the height of my depression and anxiety my main coping mechanism was reminding myself that most things are temporary. "This feeling is temporary" is a phrase I still use whenever those days come. We see every day how life and society evolves; we see how fast current events change in the media, and we experience first-hand how different environments, cultures, and people affect our mindset.  

Telling yourself that this moment, these thoughts are only temporary, not only acts as that golden light at the end of the tunnel, but also triggers memories of the good moments, causing you to remember, to cherish them so dearly; to celebrate that you are here to live this, to remember this and to feel the warmth of happiness. 

Words are omnipotent. 

Words are hard-core, words are do or die, words are so incredibly powerful. In saying that, words can also be manipulated. If you look back through your own youth, how many times can you recall someone voicing really hurtful things that you can still remember five or ten years later?  In the same regards how many powerful novels, poems, essays, letters have you read that have truly reached into your chest and touched your soul?  Words for me are so much more than letters and sentences. Words have the ability to transcend every emotion, exacerbate every joyous moment and provide an outlet, whether spoken or written, to express a message so powerful it impacts the world. I think back through history and hear the eloquence of Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King, Gandhi and more recently, the Dalai Lama. 

When I have written something I intuitively know is powerful and I know that someone, even just one person, has read it and taken away that message, felt what my words portrayed, felt an unfiltered emotion, then I know that as a writer I have succeeded. Words have

the power to impact a nation, to influence a society; they have the power to put your own mind to rest. Choose them wisely. Choose your words to influence, to create positivity, to give a voice to yourself and the people who have had their voices taken away. Though they are fragile, words are so incredibly powerful. Never allow yours to be taken away.

Filter out negativity. 

There are some people you will meet in life that feed off negativity; they will bask in their own misery and manipulate the simplest of things. These people are toxic. Do not be afraid to leave them at the door.  It took me far too long to realise that in order to be the person I wanted to be I needed to surround myself with like-minded people. Submerge yourself in the culture you want to live, spark conversations that flow steadily for hours and that you want to be in, feed your creativity with other writers, designers, film producers or whatever your niche is. Negativity is a cancer to the mind, it feeds on your life and eventually you will lose touch of the creativity you once loved. Avoid this at all costs.

There will always be people who are different, there will always be someone with a different opinion, different tastes, different appeals. This is normal, we are human, but don't allow that to get to you. For every person you meet that disagrees with you, that clouds you with negativity and tries to bring you down there will be five other people to keep you up. Find those positive people and cherish them for they are the ones that will be there for you, regardless. 

It is okay to be alone

I was always the person who needed someone to be with me in order to be happy. Even in the simplest of activities, like waiting in line, or catching the train; to the bigger parts of life like travelling abroad, graduating, or achieving a life-goal.  Since my first relationship I have never not been romantically involved with someone and it took me a long time to teach myself to stop relying on others for the sake of my own happiness. It is okay to spend time on your own. Whether that be a Saturday night to yourself or a weeklong getaway to a new city or an exotic country. It is formative to understand how you are as a single identity and you can only do this by discovering yourself without the influence of others.  I have travelled with friends, with family, with lovers across many islands and continents and although I cherish those memories, I have learnt most about who I am, down to the depth of my soul, by being on my own.

Being by yourself forces you to think independently; it forces you to make decisions for yourself, on your own accord. None of that bumbling about, unsure and dependant on others to feel satisfied. After some practice and a bit of trial and error you will eventually be able to confidently manoeuver through life. Living by your own consensus.  This took me far too long to realise and to be fair I still call my parents sometimes before booking another flight! Life is confusing and I have spent much of my time confused, unsure, and unconfident in what I am doing with myself, but after sifting through this wonderful life on my own for a bit, I have gained the confidence that I spent so long searching for. It will come to you eventually. Embrace it.

Dream big without barriers

You will always hear about the big dreams that struggled to make it and the even bigger dreamers that never quite made it. No matter your dreams, your barriers, your test results, always dream big and never let where you come from, how much money you have or how much downfall you have experienced get in the way of that.  Picture an old wooden ladder, the legs unsteady, the steps thinning, a rosebush growing either side of the handles.  Though the rosebush smells beautiful and gives your climb a pleasant view, your hands will bleed from the thorns, you will lose your balance on the wobbles and the steps will break under your feet.  When this happens, for you dreams to become a reality it is imperative that you fix the steps, learn to balance and get used to the thorns because they are the product of a beautiful view, however impractical. What I’m trying to get across here is you will fall down; that is guaranteed and unavoidable but it is on you to get back up, get back onto that climb and appreciate the view. Even if it’s the first step, or the seventh step, because the more you climb the better the view gets. 

Travel, always

 Travel Travel Travel! Backpack, stay in cheap hostels, go to cities you’ve never heard of before, make friends with strangers. Never pass up the opportunity to travel. The world is such an extraordinary incredible product of science, live in it, love in it, and be whole in it. The world and everything that encompasses our planet is the biggest inspiration in my life and my work.  No matter how bad a day I am having, no matter how deep I get in the throes of depression, I can always go to a new place or an old yet comfortable place and it picks everything up.  To go along with traveling, spend more time outside. Being in London has made me appreciate a blue sky and a high sun so much more. Lie in the grass, bask in the sun, climb a mountain and take in how beautiful our world is. I have never really been overly competitive but when it comes to travelling it’s almost as if I’m an Olympian; I could brag

for days on end about all the beautiful countries I’ve been to, all of the natural beauty I’ve seen, all the plane ticket stubs that I still save as precious memories. I love my hometown and the familiarity of my bed as much as the next person but I will never pass up the opportunity to see clear oceans, world-renowned architecture, and completely obscure cultures. I will not let the common fear people experience just thinking of traveling, hold me back.  This world is ours, take ownership of that and get out there to see first-hand how incredible it is.  To try and put any more words together for this would be a disservice as it is not possible to fully encapsulate through my pen how I feel on this topic. Just know that of everything in the world I could do, it would be to travel forever.

Happiness.  

The best advice anyone has ever given me is,when you find happiness grasp onto it so hard, but if the time comes where what once made you happy has left, accept the loss and move on. I believe that this is applicable in most situations and with many people or relationships that come into your life.  What made me happy at fifteen is no longer relevant today and some of the people and relationships I had at seventeen are also no longer applicable. Life moves so fast as do the people around you, accept the fact that people, emotions, materialistic items that once sourced your happiness will change, and that is okay.  Don’t dwell on what once was, no matter how great it was; pick yourself back up, smile and move on to the next great chapter life has for you. I know that this is better said than done but I wish I had learnt far earlier that time heals heartbreak. While time is guaranteed, it is patience that you must learn.  Expect to be vulnerable and know that this is okay. Vulnerability and happiness feed into each other to create the best outcome for your own happiness.  At the end of the day you will know deep down what it is you must do for the sake of your own happiness, do that.

I know that twenty really isn’t that big a deal; it’s probably more a blessing, a turning of ages, a passing of a new decade but I am sad to say goodbye to my teenage years and all the rambunctious antics that went along with them.  I will so dearly treasure all of the great memories I’ve had, all of the great loves, all of the heartbreak, all of the pits and downfalls and the entire incredible journey I have been on so far.  It was an incredible struggle to get to where I am in my life now, but I am so proud of where I am and everything that has come up to this point.  I was scared of saying goodbye to a phase of my life for a very long time, but now I can accept the fact that there are so many great things ahead of me, waiting to happen that I have no idea about. This is what keeps me positive, knowing that really we all know nothing and life is a surprise.  We just have to make the most of it, however that may be.

Special thanks to Ian Andrew for editing.